Dear Aliya,

Today, I want to talk to you about failing.

Growing up, I thought so much of myself and my stellar grades. I thought that as long as I passed excellently, all will be well.

And for the longest time, that was true, at least it looked and felt that way. You know, it felt good to always lead the class. Always Euphoric.

But this also meant that I thought nothing more of myself than my grades, than the prizes and the awards. It gave me a sense of fulfilment and I could never see myself past that. For me, it was all there was.

This mindset was well encouraged by my society. Everyone always just seemed to love you. You have their attention and respect.

So you can already imagine what it felt like for me to fail for the first time in my life.

Aliya, I failed physics. It was scary for me and I hated myself. And it was not just because I failed but also about what people thought of me. The thought of being perceived as an “Olodo” repulsed me. 

I did rise from that, but it was not fueled by the desire to do better. But to simply prove a point, to whoever saw my failure and made jest of it or whatever. All that really mattered to me was the awareness of my academic comeback.

You know what they say about success being like a magnet, that it attracts people to you and that failure leaves you feeling like an orphan.

I felt like an orphan.

No one likes to fail. But failure is not always a bad thing. There's a redeeming side to it. Failure can empower us in ways that success cannot. Failure can teach us humility, strength and perseverance. It can also teach us how to ask for help. 

Failing, this time, left me feeling like an orphan but I learnt the most things in that moment. I had to detach my self esteem from my academics. I learnt that there was so much more to me, and that my potential was beyond the four walls of my classroom.

I learnt that I was valuable regardless of my grades.

I learnt about strength and perseverance. And that was the moment that I began to truly desire success for myself. The fear of failure was diminished and what was left with me was the urge to succeed.

Failure can be humbling. I was humbled and I'm really grateful that I failed when I did.

Aliya, we will all fail, at something, some time, somehow. That is why I'm telling you about it now, so that when it comes you are accepting of it. So that you're courageous enough to face it and learn from it.

“If we keep hating ourselves everytime we fail, when exactly do we get the courage and faith to begin again, at another chance of success.”

When you fail, you must know that this event is not a definition of your identity. You must know, that our lives, Aliya, are not the sum of our failures, but the product of how we are to respond enough

When you fail, you must know that very well, without doubt, that you are not the problem. Your mistakes are not a function of who you are, they are a function of the knowledge you are missing.

It's not about you, it's about what you don't know.

You may fail more than once. So what if I fail again? I'll learn again and rise above that level.

It's okay to fail. 

Here's what I'll have you learn… “You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Love,

Victoria. 🤍